There's this bench that I recently discovered in my neighborhood. I've been living here for almost 8 months and am barely starting to discover all that this neighborhood has to offer. Mostly, because my late night sleeplessness leads me to hop in my car and drive aimlessly, usually in pursuit of food. Right now, I have no car. And so I walk. I never walked recreationally much until I moved to north Fresno. To be honest, I thought the idea of moving from one location to another without the idea of trying to get to the next destination to be a little lame. I mean, sure, I walked places before, but it was usually out of necessity. I think I've discovered that at this point, walking and running are a new necessity to me. My neighborhood is a giant 2.5 mile circle. I'll always end up back home.
I've started walking more in my restlessness. Life has this habit of keeping me up late at night thinking, and at most times over thinking. When God doesn't immediately give me the answers I need, I wander and become restless. I start believing that perhaps if I stay up longer, walk a bit, write a bit, whatever, then God will tell me what I need to do and it'll all be immediately fixed.
I stumbled across Isaiah 40 tonight. The entire chapter is incredibly powerful, but this passage stuck out to me:
27 Why do you say, O Jacob, and speak, O Israel, “My way is hidden from the Lord, and my right is disregarded by my God”? 28 Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. 29 He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. 30 Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; 31 but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.
The idea that God gives strength to those who wait is a difficult concept for me. I HATE waiting. For over a year now, I feel like I've been waiting. But as I sit here and think about it, my waiting has not been out of trust. It's been out of a lack of options. I've felt forced to wait, which has led to bitterness. Part 2 of verse 31 says that for those who wait, God will "renew their strength." That's HUGE. I haven't felt strength in an awfully long time.
As I continue through this trying season of life, my prayer is that God would renew my heart to remember to wait on him. To delight in letting Him work, and in not relying on myself. Because I've proven time and time again that I have little strength of my own.
I may be weak, but his Spirit is strong in me.
"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28 ESV)