I wonder how you think. If you do. At this point, I think there's so much residual damage that you may not be capable of cognitive thoughts.
It's painful to realize the depths of depravity. But I think it's because we tend to forget the brokenness in ourselves.
In a moment of watching someone at their absolute worst, we take pride in the fact that we're "not THAT bad." You weren't wrong when you said "you don't even f***ing know me." Because that's true.
I don't know you.
I haven't known you for four years. How could I? You made it damn near impossible.
The ocean has this terrible power to both give and take. It unites us together and separates us vastly. It sustains and yet can so easily destroy. It's breathtaking and terrifying. You can get in the water without getting soaked, but at the very least you're going to end up with muddy feet. You can't escape the water unscathed. You definitely haven't been left unscathed. You're soaked and freezing, devoid of feeling and completely filthy. And I want you to be out and come to dry land so you can get clean again but I know you won't do it until you're drowning and so I really want you to get the drowning over with so you can be pulled back to the top. Because standing at the edge watching is really just making my feet muddy. I want you to win, but the game can't restart until you lose.