it's been roughly
a month, four days since I've written anything of significance.
because it's hard to put words to something you still can't describe.
it's difficult to write a song when you feel like a symphony,
but it's hard to write a symphony.
(there's no metaphor there. symphonies are damn complicated. there's so many people. so many parts. so many sounds, noises, tensions, rises, releases, all working together to create one giant beautiful picture. I couldn't ever write one of those. but then again, I can't even write a damn song. I think there's a double metaphor in here now. I don't even know, man. writing is hard.)
writing is hard. because I feel like this symphony is messed up because I put myself in the wrong chair. am I the writer, or the conductor? I know God's one of those, because these are metaphors and that's how this works when I write metaphors. but I don't know which space I'm screwing up. wait, I got it now.
I am the blind conductor.
I'm conducting this symphony performance with a few pages missing, and out of place, and probably even in Latin or something. But instead of trying to find the right pages, I'm just making things up as I go, trying my best to pull it from a memory that grows more fleeting every day. I remember it was a great song. but I'm trying to get this to work again, and it's taking longer than I thought. And this all feels way too familiar in a way that I dread, but I think I can figure it out. or at least I hope i can.
i want to write a song.
but I'm no composer.
and I'm still lacking a bit of composure.
let's put me back together again.