even when it hurts. (breakaway 2016)

there are some moments that I'll probably never be able to fully understand. and I think that's okay.

a year ago, I was absolutely excited for this week. four months ago, I was completely dreading this week. ten days ago, I stopped sleeping. a week ago, I preached a message on sadness and the grip it had on my life. last night, I was able to let go of it all.

I started to hate the person I had become this last year. I was unrecognizable even to myself, and in the spiral that I fell into I lost just about everything that mattered to me, for reasons that were nobody's fault but my own. I spent 8 long months blaming everyone around me but myself, because I couldn't see that the common denominator had become me. I prayed about a month ago, at my lowest spot, for Jesus to give me peace and for the ability to worship even when it didn't make any sense to me.

Sunday night, I slept for the first time in a week. Tuesday night, I prayed with someone dear to me. tonight, i laughed harder than I have in months. this week, I let go. this week, I understood praising when it hurts.

so thank you Breakaway for doing what you've been doing to me for 8 years now - for teaching me how to trust and obey, and for reigniting passion and love in my heart. thank you to everyone I got to share this with and to those who graciously allowed me to take part.

this is real love.