i leave my eyes open.

i leave my eyes open,

because maybe then I won't dream;

maybe I will keep the days from moving, 

and the clock from running.  

maybe if my eyes stay open this won't sink in, this won't all become reality. 

because once it becomes reality, everything will change (or nothing will change). 

because nothing makes any sense anymore.  

except it does. and the only thing that doesn't make sense is how the hell i managed to miss it all.  

or did I miss it all? 

was it all right here in front of me? 

this may be an answer to my prayers, to the lingering doubts of who I'm supposed to be,

but

maybe I didn't want them answered yet.  

honestly I like sitting.  

because I can't chew gum, or utilize cough drops.  

the gum is ALWAYS eventually swallowed, 

the drop is ALWAYS chewed.  

because slow, lingering relief has a blood feud with instant gratification.  

but that always ends in disappointment.  

and am I disappointed? but in who? 

me? 

you? 

them? 

it? 

You? 

us? 

i leave my eyes open,

because maybe, 

i'll see it.

i leave my eyes open, 

because, 

i can't bear to miss it. 

i want to close my eyes,

because, 

I'm terrified I missed it.  

did I miss it?