there's a shift that's taken place in my mind, 

and I know what I'm looking for but still don't see how to get there.  

i thought this last year was going to be great.

and in a lot of ways, it was.  

it was amazing. it was an adventure, in every sense of the word.  

but it's hard to enjoy an adventure when you're unsure who is supposed to take place in the story. the supporting cast is just as important as the lead. and it's difficult to look back on those past experiences knowing there are too many things tainting them. 

and so it was great. but it's quite a bit of work to separate two worlds, to define a new healthy normal while holding parts that you desperately want to cling to.  

there's no logic in emotion, 

but emotions cloud what we perceive, and so we try to find a solid anchor yet end up tethering ourselves to a mess.  

i don't want to keep playing into the cycle, 

but I don't want to lose what I think still matters.  

i want to believe in myself again, because I believe in the One who has made me but I get stuck doubting in who He made me to be.  

i want to pursue what I'm supposed to be. I want to embody all that I love. I want to write a damn song without feeling pathetic about it. I want to write the words my heart has been trying to shout.  

i don't know about you, 

i guess I'm 22.