spinning. (everything ends someday, pt. 6)

how do you stop, 

when you think you’ve gone too far?

when nothing appears to be right anymore,

but you’re not sure how much of that is your fault.  

fault.  

its easy to assign fault, 

but so hard to see the fault line beneath your own surface,

nagging at you, 

tearing away the pieces of you that you thought were whole.  

all of a sudden, 

this amazing foundation that you thought you built

disappears as the ground shifts and behind to swallow you whole.  

i never mean to let people down;

it’s just a byproduct of my own condition.

it’s the mark i continue to miss.  

i wish i had the chance to make sense of this, 

but you’ve shown me what i need to know - 

you’ve shown me that my best isn’t really good enough, 

and now i think the worst is starting to show itself again, 

because none of this feels okay at all.  

everything ends someday,

but for now my head is spinning, 

and i feel like i’ve lost it.  

did i lose you? 

i don’t know what is missing from me -

what makes me the afterthought in your life - 

but i can’t keep spinning like this. 

did i lose you?