the biggest weight we carry
is the one that we’ve convinced ourselves we deserve.
or, at least i used to think that.
i’m pretty certain that our biggest burden
is the one that we’ve enabled others to stack onto us.
because most of the time,
at least with most people i know,
they have no idea how heavy their words are.
words of lead;
words of cement;
words that on their own may not have much pull,
but when compounded with our own thoughts and insecurities,
those words feel like a glue that we can’t get out of.
and instead of scraping them off slowly,
and peeling back at the layers,
we want to take a jackhammer and destroy the whole thing.
but, you see,
a jackhammer is messy and noisy.
it disrupts everything around us;
it lacks nuance.
i watch the weight that you’ve allowed others’ words to pile onto you.
and i know that weight very well,
because i’ve been there,
desperate to please everyone,
but too closed-handed to allow anyone to take the reigns other than myself.
i know the feeling -
the feeling that nobody is on your side,
that everyone has a criticism but nobody has a helping hand.
i know what it feels like to try your best while feeling trapped in the same repeating cycles.
someone once told me that i need to stop ‘trying my best’,
and i was pretty angry at them,
because i didn’t really trust their heart.
but the more that i’ve thought about it,
the more it made sense.
trying your best will only get you so far,
and so i have to shift -
stop trying my best,
and start accepting God’s best -
the literal embodiment of God’s best.
letting go is painful,
because familiarity breeds comfort.
but comfort is death.
let go of control,
let go of condemnation,
let go of habits that need to go,
let go of people that don’t point you to Jesus,
let go of fears that cripple you,
let go of desires that hold you back,
let go of it all.
hold on to hope.
hold on to love - true love.
hold on to grace.
hold on to healing.
hold on to laughter.
hold on to necessary tears.
hold on to those who are willing to keep their arms stretched out to you no matter how tough.
hold on to you.
hold on to me.
hold on to Him.